By Who are you when the spotlights shut down?
When you step down; And suddenly, everything goes wrong. And it is no one’s fault. When the walls are closing in,
When your head hurts from trying to hold back your tears, And the only thing grounding you is the pitter-patter of the rain; The constant drumming of your fingers. The occasional gunfire that sound far too much like fireworks, and that is what you’re hoping they are, just harmless fireworks.
When there’s only panic and adrenaline in your body And it’s working on automatic and muscle memory because you’re too in shock, the situation too spontaneous for you to register things.
When the causalities don’t stop coming and the trauma keeps on building. Will you be able to wait for the sun to rise again? Dispel the darkness and the monsters of the night.
Will it become a crazy distant memory someday? When you can talk about your momentary allies, friends who died, and the tears that you choked back because this was not the time Will you think back and feel nostalgic and proud of yourself and others for having survived the day sometime soon? Will you be able to be okay with it? Cause everyone knows deep down, Everyone is going to get messed up in some way, And honestly, nobody can judge you for what breaks you anymore.
Since some fissures don’t heal only worsen. But will you be able to heal? To somehow not be as broken as shattered glass, too tiny to be fixed again. Will you be able to work through your trauma and learn not to let emotions get in the way when things are tough again? Will you know how to let those emotions out again in safer environments before they annihilate you from within? Will you be able to stop piercing your teeth into your lips or digging your nails into your palms to create a weird calming pain and mark?
Will you heal yourself from heavy chests and suns that seem too far away? Will you be able to survive the night?